The "this" I am referring to is "dating".
I'll give you a little background.
-I dated a guy for two years before he left on his mission... he was my first boyfriend, first kiss, the first guy i said "I love you" to, the first person i would go to with a problem, I was myself around him, and life was great. I didn't think about other guys, I didn't go out on dates (one i guess because i was dating someone, two because guys just don't ask anymore), Well then he left... Kinda on a bad note and it made me realize that he isn't exactly what i want in my future spouse.
My eyes were then opened up to the world of men!!
WHAT THE?!?! SERIOUSLY?!!? How the HECK do people find someone to date let alone someone to marry?!
---you have the creepers, the Jocks, the nerds, The beautiful ones (who I get still nervous talking to haha like i'm in high school again), the brainiacs, the rude/vulgar ones, the old awkward men that talk to anyone and everyone trying to get numbers, the fresh of the Mish, the depressed RM's that think life sucks, the completely confused, and the list goes on and on and ON! and sometimes if you are lucky or not you find some one that fits into more than one category!
Well, by the hand of fate you MIGHT find one of these "men" that you are actually interested in... but then comes the make it or break it situation........ Are they interested in you?!
hhhhmmmm...... how do you know? And how do you give hints that you like them without being completely ridiculous or weird?
I have had the wonderful opportunity to meet a lot of new fun guys these last couple of months. I have decided to go to the singles ward, I go to the firesides, I actually go up and talk to new people, I have been hanging out with a new group each weekend; however, nothing has really come out of this.... guys just don't ask for your number... am I aloud to? hahaha because I would totally grow a pair and walk up to a guy and talk to him and ask him for his number, even if it was just to hang out again, but that could seem super over powering and therefore turn the guy off to any interest right there on the spot... see my dilemma? SO... i'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot on this whole "meeting knew guys" and "dating". Because if it was up to me I would not be sitting at home on the weekend. I would be getting together with random people! Why not? What do we have to lose, seriously?!
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My next item to talk about........ How do you KINDLY let guys know that you are not interested? And i don't mean interested in hanging out with them, I mean interested in dating them. I will always say yes to the first date! But then after that I always feel horrible saying no. But in high school it was SOOO different. You could go on as many dates with someone as you wanted and it didn't really mean anything. But now that i'm at the age of dating=marriage it's TOTALLY different....
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Ok so i know there are like 2 1/2 people that read my blog but i would really like to know what everyone thinks even if it is someone who i don't know.
So leave comments!! :)
7 comments:
Ryan here., if you forget ask Jonathan he will tell you who I am. ne ways to your delima..
1) Let down - No easy way, but I find when you say I prefer Friendship because friends mean more to me - then you hope he understands this if not then he was not a friend let alone someone to date.
2) Asking - Girl I swear lol I know you and you have no problems there :) but to help, walk up to him and say hey I'm going here to eat and I don't like to eat alone mind to join me. Then take it from there :)
If I was older it would be me asking you but then Jonathan would kick my butt haha :) Good Luck and always smile its your winner. ;)
The dating questions... Let me just say, I AM SO GLAD THAT I AM OUT OF THAT SCENE!!!! :) which that doesn't help you, but one day you will be glad, too.
1: If you are being you and its your personality to go up and ask a guy out then do it. and if that guy is turned off because you had the balls to do it and he didn't then its his lost not yours. and even though it might feel like your loss, its not. Because you are being you. You don't have to ask him for his number, but say, me and so and so are doing something this weekend, would you like to come and hang out with us. Make it a group event so its more comfortable for him to say yes. and if you are hinting around, well..... boys just don't get those hints. they might think they do, but out of real honesty they don't. :( I know, bummers... For examples you like flowers, and you say flowers are pretty I like receiving them- you would think they would send them to you. NOPE! Sometimes, you just need to say, *I like flowers. Please buy them for me.* :) hahaha I will say, there are the few boys out there that can get hints, but not all can. So just be yourself and invite the guy you like along. and if it goes good ask him out again. and if not, no biggie- not worth your time to ponder why not.
2: The LET DOWN. How would you want someone to let you know that they enjoyed the 1st date but would only like to be friends? Let them know you enjoyed the date & it was fun (even if it wasn't) but would like to be friends. You can say *I am looking around & want to date many guys right now until I know what I am looking for. so for the time being I just want to stay friends.* Be honest but not hurtful or mean about it. You can also tell him that you would like to hang out again, but only as friends.... or just don't return his call or text... haha j/k
3: places to meet guys- weddings/receptions, funerals, church & church outings. On a serious note- enjoy being single and dating whomever and whenever you want. Don't be afraid to say *no* to someone that you are not interested in. Who you date is who you marry. So, if you can't see yourself with this guy, don't waist his or your sweet time. It is ok to say no.
Long answer short- be you! and don't change you for those silly boys.
I met Eric at my brothers wedding. We went out after the wedding with his a group of his friends and they took me home. He walked me to the door and asked for my number. I thought he was just being nice so I told him, *no! (which I really wanted to give to him..* then went on to say, *If you really want my number you'll ask me at church.* He went to the same church that I was starting to go too, but he was a here and there if the feeling was right kind of guy to go to church and I was looking for a church goer, faithful believer. So he went to church that Sunday, and asked me for my number... and the rest well.... we are married 4 years in November and 2 awesome kids =) so just be patient, trust in God that He will lead you to the right guy for you and your future kids (if you plan on having kids). But pray to God that He will put you on the the right path to your future husband, and tell Him (God), what you are looking for in man, in a husband and in a father. Write what you want down starting with #1 being the most important thing to you and go down the list. But more importantly, TRUST IN GOD that HE WILL LEAD YOU to YOUR future husband... who knows, maybe he is secretly reading your post & waiting for you to ask him out... hahaha =)
Love ya Michelle
I have two pieces of advice for you:
1) Stop looking for the "perfect" guy and let him find you. It may take some time but it'll be worth it. I didn't think I would be one to get married at 19 but those plans changed when I met Tyler. It will happen when you least expect it. I say enjoy the ride, do things YOU want to do and accomplish in the meantime.
2) Freaking go on a date with my brother!! :)
That's all.
One more thing... I TOTALLY agree with Casey, make a list of qualities you want in your future husband, it will help you to not settle (even when dating) Know what you want and get it!!!
I don't have much advice, I never really did the "dating scene", I was engaged two months after high school. But I never think it is wrong for a girl to ask for a guys number. My sister did that and ended up marrying him. I'm not saying that will happen to you on the first try, but I definitely don't think anything is wrong with it. Boys are either too lazy or just too stupid to ask girls out anymore. And I think you are adorable! Once you meet your future husband I know he won't be able to stay away!
I have no advice for you in any areas, I was horrible at letting guys know I was interested, just ask Rickey he had no idea except that I had friends that told him I was interested. You could have friends hint to guys you are interested in them. It worked for me we have been married for almost 8 years now. Dating really wasn't my fortey, all I can really say is love it and enjoy being single. It is okay that you haven't found the "one" yet. Enjoy dating and finding the right guy. I am glad you are at the singles ward, get active in institute and as others said just be you! I bet the reality is that you are so amazing that guys are intimidated by you. The right guy will come around and when he does you will know. Just be patient and let it be in the Lord's time.
As for letting them down easy, just be honest, don't string them along. They are in the same boat as you, in that they too are looking for someone to marry. Be nice and polite and just tell them thanks for asking but that friends is all you are ready for right now. I loved Casey's advice it was great. You could also ignore them I guess, but they might never get the hint. Hang in there sis, it will happen, don't rush into anything and don't settle. love you!!
Hey, Michelle! I'm proud of you! My Mom said you were going to a singles' ward and that you were moving on with life. I read your most recent post about boys and dating and I have been in your shoes! I wish I had my journals around so I could read about those days and share advice with you, but they are packed away! The best advice I can give you, is to pray, read your scriptures, go to church, go to the Temple as much as possible (when I was a YSA, I always went on Friday afternoons). Do everything you possibly can to have the Spirit with you. Then, if you meet the right guy, you'll have every reason to know it. And if you're on a date with not the right guy, again, you'll know it, and it won't be so hard to say, "let's just be friends." I think you're such a great girl with so much life ahead of you! You're quite a catch and the man who gets to have you forever is one lucky guy! I wish you the best of luck in the YSA world. Just enjoy this time in your life and use it to prepare yourself to achieve your ultimate dreams (for example, marriage, mother, etc). Love ya! Keep in touch!
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