We talked about a lot of things in church today and with the way I've been feeling lately I feel like every topic brought up and talked about, all the comments and everything was focused to help me and to change my outlook on the predicament at the moment. In Sacrament the speakers talked about fellow shipping those that have fallen away and to really think and evaluate my life. Am I a devoted Member? Am I fully participation in the Gospel of Jesus Christ? Am I positively influencing those around me with the way I live my life and the way I react to the trials thrown my way? At the moment and for the last couple weeks I could answer, probably not, to a lot of those questions. It's not that I was deliberately not doing what I know to be right, I just wasn't consciously striving to do it either. I have found myself in a sort of bubble that consists of me and my hardships. I wasn't letting anyone help me, I wasn't opening up to anyone, and I was blaming other for a lot of my sadness.... Silly me. Where is my head. Lately I haven't known.
Well then in Sunday School I found it. We talked about Jesus Christ and were asked to write down what the first things that came to your mind were and your feels. I wrote:
Safety, Gratefulness, atonement, suffering, Love, Hope, Eternal life, Best Friend, Companion through anything. Other people gave: knows everything about me, knows all of my trials, has suffered personally for me. Compassion, never ceasing, constant.
We watched a movie on Christ and the compassion he has for us and all the things he has done for us. Which I knew all of these things. I know that Christ is real that he has suffered for me that he knows all my pains, sorrows weaknesses, and any agony I have felt and gone through. He did that for me. He suffered through my afflictions. What caught me off guard was when the teacher proceeded to ask "Have you ever thought about the fact that he has suffered through your greatest accomplishments as well? That he has felt every happy emotion you could ever possibly feel?"
This stopped me in my track. Of course that makes sense but why has no one ever put it so plainly? Why have I always, for 22 years, thought of the atonement as an event that only takes away my pains and sorrows, not shines with me in my greatest triumphs?! That takes a whole new look on the atonement in my life. It actually changes the way I want to live my life. Rather than going through knowing Jesus Christ has done that for me that he knows exactly how I may feel whether hurt, lost, or alone... that he has done that for me that I may live my life in the way he has lived it, with compassion, love, hope, support, not only because he is an example to me and he has lived his life but because He has felt [me] live [my] life like Him. He has felt those triumphs, accomplishments, and happiest moments in my life. I would MUCH rather have him suffer my happy times with me than my sad. I would MUCH rather walk my life in the thought that today Christ smiled at that moment of the atonement for me, He didn't have to suffer. I want that more than anything.
Than I thought a little more. Well... if he has done that for me of course he has done that for every other man that has lived, is living, and will live so why on earth would I make him suffer for things I have put them through. Whether it's a rude comment, or weird stare, and harsh word, or unkind thought. I want to live my life in the least damaging way possible to anyone. I love the word JOY and I know lots of people have seen this. But to have joy you have to have the right priorities and to have the right priorities you have to put Jesus Christ first, than Others, that Yourself. Jesus Others Yourself.... JOY. That is the only way to truly live a happy and full life. Which I have always known but something switched in me today and I am so grateful for it.
I am grateful for my knew found knowledge on the Atonement I feel a little foolish for not really thinking that him suffering for every emotion also meant the happy ones, but I feel that I wasn't supposed to really figure it out till now :)
Come what May, and Love it.
