This is what keeps me alive.

As most of you know I am a dancer at SCC and I love it there. I am currently in the Choreography class and one of our assignments was to choreograph a piece of work meant for 3 or more people.

This is my piece.

It is about 3 women and their struggles with grief. One has lost a husband, another a child, and the last was a best friend. I know it is a sad concept but it is a story about their journey alone, and with support, and how they are able to overcome their grief with the help of the people around them.
Sometimes you just have to let people help...

This is a rough run through the girls just finished learning it right before I recored it.... But I think they are beautiful. In the dance world there are things you create and might love and others wont understand or wont like. I know this is one of those. It isn't super eye catching and it may get boring to some, but I love it and am very proud of it.

This is what keeps me going on my long days at school. Knowing that I am learning how to create art and meeting such wonderful talented people that help me learn and grow every day.

I am so grateful to be apart of the program their. It has helped me grow so much, and I have made some wonderful friends!

I am...

Beware I am in need of a very long needed venting party. 

I am........ 

(deep breath)

tired

exhausted

 sore

BroKeN 

(physically and emotionally at the moment)

hitting the "meh" stage in school

 (which is bad because it isn't done yet)

 hurting.... EVERYWHERE

Whinny

 easily annoyed

sick of pretending life is perfect

stressed

pooped

Frazzled

 craving healthy food

 completely broke (money wise)

stressed... stressed a little more

 out of alignment

self conscious

emotionally strained

needing more gospel feasting

 always eating junk food

feeling yucky

sad

scared

missing my sisters

missing my friends

missing my mom

 missing my brothers

missing my dad 

(I could have said family,

 but i miss them all separately and collectively)

dead in the brain I couldn't possibly learn anything else and expect it to stick... 

.....but I got ta

wishing I could get a good long hug from a certain someone 

but that's not gunna happen 

(and it would sadly be awkward)

 wishful 

very wishful for

 good grades

 boys to become men and stop wasting time 

for school to be over...

the school part.. aka chemistry... :{

for christmas to come

and more

Man I have just been feeling really down lately. 

Not all the time, 

and not an I'm so depressed I wanna quit.

 just a...

 I need a break from life for one day 

where I don't have to stress about homework, 

or having to practice a dance for a show coming up, 

or finding time to create choreography

or finding songs for my girls recital pieces

or studying

or worrying about life, and remembering how we are currently not very close friends. 

or having people keep on reminding me about past experiences

 that are messing with my happy life now....

gluberskinkerspinkle

(deep breath)

Story behind my little venting party. Well there is a certain someone, a very good. No Best friend of mine that is making life very awkward. He, lets call him FN. Well FN and I have talked and are very aware of how we both feel. Only there are a couple of complications. He doesn't want to be in a relationship because he has only been home from his mission for about 3 and a half months.... which is totally reasonable I get that, and he doesn't want to pursue anything because I dated his best friend (LM) in high school and he feels that it will be uncomfortable when "the other guy" aka LM gets off his mission. Ok so we are on the same page. I understand all of this ya it stinks for me... i have to sit on the side with no say on what is happening, but I'm willing to wait. I am willing to strengthen our friendship. I am totally willing to wait for the other said guy to get home and for FN to realize that LM is only a friend we are no longer together... and haven't been for 2 years. But he can't get that yet.... I came to that conclusion a month ago. Soooo.... why does he keep calling me to couple events?? To hang out with his family, who I love! Why do we hang out and talk for hours on end. Why do we laugh and giggle all the time? Why am I crazy for him knowing I don't even have him to be crazy over? and worst of all. Why does everyone else around us see how perfect it is and how awesome we are together but him? I had a one of my girlfriends come tell me that FN's brother, his brothers girlfriend, and her talked and "they think we are perfect for each other". Welp... I'm not going to lie. I cried on the way home...

I can only pretend for so long that I am ok with this arrangement. Especially when people around me aren't helping. I'm really not ok. But I don't have the guts to say anything because when this conversation is brought up it is the one out of 2 subjects that makes him uncomfortable and us very awkward. Which I don't like so than I drop it. But I am such a sucker! I can't say no. He will call to hang out and I am just hoping this time will be different. That I wont leave and get that heart wrenching text at the end of the night that says "Thanks you are amazing and I had such a fun time! You are the greatest friend anyone could ask for" ....................... insert knife into heart now. 

I. don't. like. this. feeling. at. all. 

For some reason I have a lesson to learn right now. I don't know what it is. But now that I have vented and gotten this off of my chest. I can look at the blessings that they are bringing to me and I will be able to be less stressed.

If you read this all the way through I'm sorry I'm not very peachy right now. Life will get better though! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to stop walking backwards through it. I tend to make life more difficult than it needs to be.... SO... I will be ok.

Come What May and Love it. 

Life

Chances are I'm losing my mind.....

sleep... why do you not like me?

Ok so it is 12:30 at night and I can't sleep... 

at all

I had to go to the doctor today because I was having trouble breathing..

my doctor told me I have asthma.

Well... I have always had it but it had never bothered me till now. 

Is super sucks. 

I can't stop coughing and this whole wheezing, and 

nasty barking cough is getting old fast. 

I also got some medicine that I took that is keeping me awake. 

So here I am...

Updating you on my life. 

School: 

hmmmmmm...

I have a love hate relationship with school right now. 

I am taking 20 credits and it is kickin my royal behind! 

I am taking:

History of ballet and Modern (harder than you would think)

Ballet III

Modern III

Digital Multi Media

Computer Art

Chemistry (Lecture and Lab)

Moving Company (Their Modern Company)

SAJE (Jazz Company)

Choreography

And institute

(I'm at school from 9-7 basically every day)

But i do have an scc family! 

I have an awesome schedule it is just so crazy hard and 

 time demanding that I don't have time for anything else in life.

I am learning a lot about my craft that I love a lot! 

But i think I might have bitten a little more off that i can chew at the moment.

I know I can do it but it's going to take a lot of dedication 

and commitment

and I can't procrastinate...

 and I procrastinate like it's my calling in life. 

So that is a little difficult. 

Job:

It's really not existent.

I had to quit at the Kids Club because of school 

and I can't teach very often because of school

(wednesdays I teach a 3 year old class and a 4 year old class)

and I can't do the musical this time around because of school

so... ya the amount of income coming in is very non existent.

which stinks.

a LOT,

not really just the income but the whole NOT teaching a lot really stinks.

 I'm not a fan of it. 

That's what keeps me going I have realized.

I am so much less stressed out about life and school when I am able to teach and dance my own style. 

I haven't really done that at all this semester

It's almost killed me off a couple times. 

I also blame my sickness on it. haha

ok so as you can tell i'm bitter about being so busy with school, and not teaching 

but i know that my schedule worked the way it did for a reason, 

So things will be ok.

I have faith

Friends:

I have such great ones!!! They keep me sane haha I love them! Aka Tori and Darlene

I also have a bunch of guy friends that are getting home from their missions 

so i have been seeing lots of people

it has been fun

(I probably should be studying instead but whatevw!)

Boys:

Meh.

nothing serious,

like i said i have some friends getting home so i have been on a lot of dates.

*which have been awesome!

and my best friend Brian is home so we have been having late night study parties.

I love them! and he's teaching me piano songs! 

haha

but ya, school is really running my life at the moment so I can't look for anything serious or I wont do my work...

haha I know me. 

Ok now I am just rambling. I don't really have anything else to update on. 

Even though life is PSYCHO CRAZY I am still thankful for it and love it everyday!

Come What may and Love it!!

Experience something

thankful

I have decided lately that I am one of the Luckiest girls in the world.

Yup

All the other girls out there might have it as lucky as me but...

 I doubt it.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful life.

So as I am sitting today waiting for my classes to start and soaking up the last bit of actual freedom I have before I become a basket case of crazy, I wanted to write out all the things I am blessed with and so grateful for.

because once school starts 

I will be... like I said... a basket case.

haha so I writing this so

 I don't forget how lucky I am.

First off I have to say that being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the greatest gift of all. I am blessed everyday just for having faith that their is a Christ and that my Father in Heaven loves me deeply enough to care what goes on in my life. He wants me to succeed and He wants me to live my life to the fullest. He also wants me to share his gospel and to Live it, which I feel that I have been doing but could probably do better. :]

I have been put on this earth in the GREATEST family. My mom and dad are the greatest! I couldn't have asked for a better match to raise me and my siblings. I have 2 awesome loving brothers that bookend me and my 3 sisters snug and tight right in the middle. And I feel that they are doing an amazing job at keeping us girls safe and loved. My family lives all over the US but with the technology today I am able to talk to them and see them in my Living room or kitchen, or anywhere for that matter. Or I can simply call them whenever I need to. I love it. They are also an amazing example to me. Besides my little brother they are all married and raising beautiful righteous children. They are so good at what they do and I can't wait till I get to join them in the fight for having strong faithful families. Getting to raise children in the Gospel and showing people in this world how families should Love and help each other. Being examples on how husbands should treat, cherish, and serve their wives, and how wives should love, respect, support, and serve their husbands. I love them for the way they love and treat their spouses. Thanks :]

I have the most amazing friends. I have been thinking about needing to go to institute for a while now and yesterday I picked up the phone and texted Darlene and Tori. Told them that I was planning on going to Institute tonight, and they were more than welcome to come with me. I needed to fill my life more with the gospel and needed to be going... Right away Darlene and Tori both texted me back telling me that they were thinking the same thing that same day and I had just beaten them to the punch. I love that My Heavenly Father knows me personally he knows what I need and the friends that should be placed in my life, and when. And I am more than grateful for Him and his understanding of my needs and wants. My friends have helped me through my lowest of lows and also witnessed my highest of highs! That's what friends are for! To help you stay on the path to make it back to our ultimate goal. That's why we need to be a great friend and also surround ourselves with good friends! I am a strong believer in that. 

I am also thankful for:

-the rain

-inside jokes

-Ruby (muh car)

-my education

-teaching!

-being able to sing

-being a happy person

-smiles

-food

-free rent

-good music

-my high standards

-striving to live life to the fullest

-my trials

-my heartache

-faith

-my busy schedule

-Dancing all day long

-awkward smiles

-making eye contact with a cute guy and feeling butterflies fill my stomach

-hugs

-ugly faces

-men that worthily hold the priesthood 

-church

-my willingness to accept all people

-my ability to forgive and forget

-hope

-struggles

-Love

-RM's

-the scriptures

-my journal

  (that I need to actually write in more than 3 times a year)

-food :]

-longing to dancing

-service

The list goes on and on...

In institute last night my teacher said something that really struck me. She was talking about idling and wasting our time on things of the world rather than filling our minds and heart with things of God.

She said something to the effect of, "We really don't know how much time we have left, so why would you not want to fill your life and time with Christ?" 

hmm... well...

I want to drown myself in the light of Christ. I want to be able to know everything there is to know. Why on earth would I think that sitting and wasting time is going to help me in any way. I need to find time to serve others. Lose myself in the work of Christ that I might be able to more easily find myself. 

I love having these AHA moments. They make me happy and Love the life I have. 

Well I am now going to get ready for my class. Thanks for reading and getting to know a little more about me. 

I love my life and wouldn't have it any other way

Come what May and Love it! :]

Yes please. 

Fastforward

My life has been put on fast forward this summer 

and I absolutely have loved every minute of it! 

Places I have visited in the last couple months:

-California 

Disneyland 3 times

 Sea World 2 times

2 weddings 

(Michael David Stones, and Callie Joe Ebmeyer Call), 

and a couple trips to the beach

(I probably went one more time)

-Utah

Spending time with family and seeing fun friends

(Jason Klingler)

-Idaho

Week long amazing family reunion

(family, swimming, bowling, laughing, Zoo, hot springs, pictures, fun)

-Alaska

2 weeks of bliss

(vegging, bike rides, giggles, hikes, movies, and moose!)

I have come home a couple times in between all of this traveling. 

One time I came home for an audition for 2 dance companies at school.

and I made both of them!

You are reading from the newest member of Moving Company and S.A.J.E. 

Moving company is a modern based style and SAJE is Jazz. 

I am so stoked for them to both start. Only a couple more weeks :)

I am also teaching again once school starts. 

I'll be teaching 3 and 4 year old Jazz at one studio

and then Hip Hop, Cheer, and Musical theater.

I am really really excited!

School starts tomorrow I am taking 20 credit hours

 and 

I am ready to get muh butt kicked haha.

 It will be fun! 

Come What May and Love it! 

Happy Sunday :]